ok last text post of the day, i promise.
so, in music history, i’m making a new friend! (= his name is george only i prefer to think it’s spelled ‘jorje’ idk why. anyways. he’s really cool, but he’s friends with bill. .__. see, i know bill from middle school. he’s always been the awkward type. but he dresses well now and he’s got good friends and he knows his personality. the thing is, he’s still very awkward and when i watch him for even a short time, i cringe a little bit (visibly. bad, i know) because he seems so fake. of course, i thought the same of ann before i kind of got used to it. i guess for some people, that’s just how they are.
well, bill was friendly to me in middle school and then he went off to high school and now in his senior year and my junior year, we’re in a class together again. and he’s mean. like, really mean. i’ve considered that maybe it’s how awkward he is (not fake. gotta get over how fake he seems) and how i’m just not used to him and he’s not used to me and that’s just how he talks to a) people he’s not comfortable around b) girls c) both.
here’s what happened. i was turning in my listening quiz and jorje and i were talking and he took my quiz and then i realized i forgot to write my name and i told jorje and he grabbed it back for me and bill looked back at me and he said in a really cold tone, ‘wow, good job’. i was writing my name, but i looked at him (not really at him. you know how you look in a direction, but you dont see? that happened). and i felt my face get hot and it was one of those rare times that i could actually tell that i was red in the face.
i’m not sure if i was embarrassed or angry or both, but i need to talk to him. that was really rude and it hurt. but i can’t be that girl that starts to cry because someone doesn’t like her. i have to be grown up. and it sucks. a lot.
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so, simi and i have been discussing boys LOLOL. younger boys. wow, pedo-noona time. it’s just weird. i think it has to do with all the men in my life disappointing me. oh, psychological stuffs goin’ down here. o:
it’s not in a serious way. at least i dont think so. i think we just find it fun to discuss and laugh about.
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que mas, que mas. i’m out of words.
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oh, someone in hst asked me if i wanted to become a kpop star lol because dayja and simi and i always talk about it. even jessica, too. so i answered honestly.
i mean, yeah, it’d be a fantastic life to sing for a living (which i love doing), but it’s intimidating. of course, the training would get me over that. but..okay. i’ll be blunt. my mom told me to be careful of ever getting into the media. it can be scary stuff. especially as a girl. i feel like i’d be able to make a good influence if i made it, though, and debuted. i’m not bragging. honestly, i’m just being blunt. from what i’ve heard and read, koreans are really stressed with work and the media telling them they aren’t smart enough or pretty enough and that they need to change themselves for other people. i read somewhere that the mentality was ‘if you mess up, it’s not ‘oh, i’m embarrassed’, it’s ‘what will other people think of this mistake?” and that’s scary. i think if i were able to be an influence over people as a celebrity-idol, i’d try my best to show my americanized side in that aspect. like…’yes, i haven’t had plastic surgery and here are x-rays to prove it’ (lolidk), ‘yes, i didn’t study as much as i could have, but i followed my dreams and i worked hard at what i loved. study well, though, so you have a back-up plan. study well and do your best’, ‘don’t over stress. you’re amazing as you are. you’re as you are for a reason’ and now i’m getting cheesy, but it’s really something i think about a lot. here’s a picture of a chat with some friends. i worded it better there. it was a month or two ago when i wrote it, i think.
ok jk i can’t find it. but it was about how if i were to become one, i’d use that publicity to be the good influence. cheesy, so i’m shutting up.
idk, it’s fun to imagine when bored, but it’s so unrealistic that it’s not generally worth the time.
but i thought it was neat that jilal asked me (= the trouble maker trying to reach out. nice!
ok it’s late and i’m rambling. k,night<3
and happy birthday, king (=
